INTIMACY
Intimacy generally refers to the feeling of being in a close personal association and belonging together. It is a familiar and very close affective connection with another as a result of a bond that is formed through knowledge and experience of the other. Genuine intimacy in human relationships requires dialogue, transparency, vulnerability, and reciprocity. The verb "intimate" means "to state or make known". The activity of intimating (making known) underpins the meanings of "intimate" when used as a noun and adjective. The noun "intimate" means a person with whom one has a particularly close relationship. This was clarified by Dalton (1959) who discusses how anthropologists and ethnographic researchers access "inside information" from within a particular cultural setting by establishing networks of intimates capable (and willing) to provide information unobtainable through formal channels. The adjective "intimate" indicates detailed knowledge of a thing or person.
Isolation has two purposes. One, to keep the survivor away from anyone that she might, in the mind of theprimary aggressor, abandon him for. It is not unusual for primary aggressors to try to keep their partner from all males. Two, isolation keeps the survivor away from anyone that may influence the survivor to leave, use boundaries, or respond to the primary aggressor differently. This often includes her entire family, and most of her friends. Often isolating actions will be rationalized by the primary aggressor stating they don't like the person. But isolation is about controlling the survivor's access to the person she likes or from whom she receives support.
Commitment can be seen as a process of dealing with the challenges and opportunities that relationships inevitably provide. It is the container that holds our sacred pledge to fulfill what we see as the fundamental purpose of our connection; a container that can hold inconceivable possibilities for our lives and the lives of all whom we touch. Any intentions or goals that two people desire to experience can be included in this container. Those goals can be as specific and personal as intimacy and self-discovery or as universal as service to a cause, or to a shared honoring of a spiritualtradition or anything in between.We all have the authority to determine the nature of the contents of our container. When we remember that no one but ourselves has the authority to hold us to a commitment, it no longer feels so confining. True commitments cannot be assigned or prescribed by another, but must spring from within the depth of our own heart. When this is the source of the commitment that joins two people together, they will not feel forced to stay together, but will feel blessed in the gift of their partnership.
